I'm With You
by RosesandThorns666
Summary: AU. Castiel suffers with OCD, and he's very needy of love and attention. He flinches from everyone but Dean, and Dean tries his best to help him, but at times finds it too much to cope with himself. Please R&R! Rated M for language and content!
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** AU. Castiel suffers with OCD, and he's very needy of love and attention. He flinches from everyone but Dean, and Dean tries his best to help him, but at times finds it too much to cope with himself. Please R&R!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Supernatural _or its characters.

**A/N: **A little angsty, shouldn't be much longer than ten chapters, and plenty of emotions in between. Hope you like!

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><p><strong>I'm With You <strong>

**Chapter One **

Dean Winchester climbed into the car to drive home from work, back to the house he shared with his lover Castiel Novak. He'd known Castiel his whole life, from them both being preschoolers and he knew that Castiel had suffered a traumatic childhood. Now, they were twenty-five years old, living in their home town of Lawrence, Kansas in a gorgeous house, close to their families.

Castiel's brothers, Gabriel, Jimmy and Balthazar all lived close by, as Dean's parents and younger brother Sam did. Castiel was the only one out of the Novak family who had suffered truly because of the childhood, since he was seen as the most beautiful of the boys, their father had decided to keep him close. Too close. Because of how damaged he was, Castiel couldn't work a job, so Dean was the one who brought the money into the house, but Castiel's share of his father's money kept them living comfortably.

Dean's thoughts were broken by the sound of his cell phone going off, knowing full well who it would be. He checked the caller ID. Yeah. It was Castiel. Pulling over to the roadside, he answered the phone.

"Hey, baby." He said softly, hearing a sob on the other end of the line.

"_A-are you coming home?"_ Castiel asked, _"There's a storm coming...I can feel it..." _

"I'm on my way, Cas, okay?" Dean said softly, "I forgot to call you, I'm sorry. Don't be scared, I'm on my way."

"_I love you, Dean." _Castiel sobbed, _"I missed you today." _

"Yeah, I missed you too, honey." Dean replied, "I'll be home in ten minutes, alright? I love you too."

"_Goodbye, Dean." _

"Bye, sweetheart."

Dean sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face, starting the car up and getting ready to pull back on the road. As the first lightning flash came, Dean sighed, trying not to worry as the first rumble of thunder followed it. Castiel would be a wreck when he got home.

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><p>Sure enough, Dean got through the door and found Castiel curled up by the coffee table, panting for breath as he went through a panic attack. Dean looked around the apartment, seeing that Castiel had been on his tidying and cleaning spree again. Everything was in alphabetical order, height order or in order of colour.<p>

The tape measure was on the table which probably meant that Castiel had been arranging the furniture again, and there was a bottle of antibacterial hand gel by the kitchen sink. Yes, it seemed it'd been one of those days.

"Cas!" He cried, running to his lover and kneeling by him on the floor, "C'mon...C'mon, baby, I've got you...Breathe. Breathe, breathe slow..."

He pulled Castiel up to rest against him, back to chest, taking deep breaths for his lover to follow. In and out. Nice and calm. And sure enough, Castiel began to calm down, his gasps for breath becoming tired sobs as he pressed back into Dean's arms.

"I've got you, baby..." Dean soothed, "Atta boy...nice, deep breaths."

Castiel calmed himself before standing steadily, going to the front door and opening it and closing it three times. That was another little tic of his. He sighed with relief, still wheezing slightly as he turned to Dean, walking towards him and holding onto him for support when his legs felt too weak to hold him up.

"Hello, Dean." He whispered, "Thank you for helping me. I love you."

"Hey, Cas." Dean replied, kissing his head, "I love you too, sweetheart."

They made their way to the bedroom, getting settled on the bed right opposite their huge window. Lightning and thunder followed, Dean keeping Castiel safe in his embrace as he cradled him close. He constantly whispered to him that it was okay, that he was safe and nothing was going to hurt him.

Storms. They reminded Castiel of the times he was dragged into his father's room, how his father would touch him and kiss him to comfort himself, both over the loss of their mother and of his fear of storms. That was one thing his father was frightened of. Storms. They reminded Castiel of the first time his father returned the sexual acts he was making Castiel do to him. He remembered the words so clearly.

"_All work and no play makes Cas a dull boy." _

When Dean and Castiel had first watched _The Shining _together, Castiel had totally freaked out, which had scared all of their friends but Dean the most. Dean had never seen Castiel so scared in his whole life, and he knew that it went beyond just being scared of the movie. But Castiel had been traumatised. Every time there was a storm, his father used to take him into his room and make Castiel do whatever he was in the mood for, before he'd hold Castiel down and return it.

The frightening thing was, that Castiel began to become dependent on his father holding him, and he began to need his father's attention more. One of the nights that Castiel had been taken to his father's room, the two had been on the mattress, 'making love' as his father claimed it, when Castiel had held his father close to him and kissed him gently on his shoulder and neck, actually moaning as his father continued to move inside of him. He'd actually smiled at his father after that night.

But Balthazar had caught them the following occasion, and he'd absolutely flown off the handle at their father. Castiel had gone to counselling, but developed so many problems after, and the first time he'd been intimate with Dean, it actually saddened Dean by how experienced he was.

He'd just turned eighteen when he first slept with Dean. But Dean found Castiel to be a needy lover, and to be very needy of him in general, and if it were anyone else, Dean would have let them go, but Castiel was truly traumatised and it wasn't his fault that he was so needy, and so obsessive, and plus, Dean just loved him way too much.

So, Dean continued to hold Castiel through the storm until it passed, getting showered as his lover made dinner, only to find everything in that room lined up in alphabetical order.

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><p>Dean and Castiel lay in the dark, as they usually did when they made love. Castiel preferred it in the dark, since it seemed so familiar. Probably because that was how it used to be with his father. Dean held his lover close to him, sighing as Castiel began to move his hips gently, brushing his erection with Dean's.<p>

Dean's legs were in between Castiel's, who was almost straddling him, and the two of them were holding each other, Dean kissing Castiel's shoulder as they began to grind slowly. Dean ran his hands up Castiel's back, turning his head to kiss his lips deeply. Castiel sat himself up, as Dean did, watching his lover rest back on his hands before Dean took him in his mouth. The sound that escaped Castiel's lips was absolutely amazing and Dean felt himself grow even harder at it.

But after quick preparation, Castiel guided Dean into his body and cupped his lover's face, kissing him gently.

"I love you, Dean." He whispered as he began to move his hips.

"And I love you, Cas." Dean replied, "With all my heart."

"I love you."

"I love you."

The words repeated themselves. Castiel said it a lot during their lovemaking as usual. He couldn't help it. The words would just come out like a mantra, and Dean returned them every time. Dean met Castiel's movements with his own, the two of them kissing deeply as they always did, breaking apart to look at each other before leaning back in for more.

As time moved on, they changed position, Dean now in between Castiel's legs and continuing to move languidly. The 'I love you's were still being exchanged, but Castiel's eyes were becoming tearful, and Dean, as he always did, just held him close and kissed his cheek gently.

"It's okay." He whispered, "I've always got you, Cas, it's alright."

Castiel sighed and held Dean through to the end, happy to lay in his arms after until the next morning.

-TBC-

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed!<strong>

**Thanks for reading so far! **

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
><strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary:** AU. Castiel suffers with OCD, and he's very needy of love and attention. He flinches from everyone but Dean, and Dean tries his best to help him, but at times finds it too much to cope with himself. Please R&R!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Supernatural _or its characters.

**A/N: **Thanks so much for the support in the last chapter! I hope you like this one just as much, if not more!

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><p><strong>I'm With You <strong>

**Chapter Two **

Castiel sat on the sofa, scratching at his hands.

He'd washed them so much that the skin was itching on them. He twitched a little when he noticed a CD was in the wrong place and he couldn't bear it. He bit his lip and rushed to the rack, pulling every last CD out before starting to put them back in, just as Dean came through the door.

"Cas, what are you doing?" He asked with exasperation, Castiel just shoving his red raw hands into his hair.

"D-Dean, something was in the wrong order." He stammered, "I-I can't bear it if something's not in its proper place, you know this..."

"Can I at least help you, baby?" Dean asked, "Let me make you a coffee, huh?"

"Thank you." Castiel replied, "Help and coffee would be greatly appreciated."

Dean saw the redness of his lover's hands and sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. He'd been washing his hands every few minutes again.

"Babe, look at your hands." He sighed, Castiel bowing his head and scratching them, "Stop scratching! C'mere..."

Dean grabbed the lotion by the kitchen sink and went over to his partner, pouring some onto his own hands before rubbing Castiel's tenderly, the younger man gasping and biting his lip as the lotion soothed his skin. He had to admit, it did feel better on him, but as for his tic, it didn't help. Not one little bit. He was desperate to get the oily feel from his hands, that greasy sensation he hated.

"That's gotta feel better, yeah?"

"I want to wash my hands again." Castiel muttered, Dean shaking his head and kissing Castiel's lips.

"You can't, sweetheart." He whispered, "You can't. You're hurting yourself. It'll soak in in a minute. I bought the extra quick stuff, remember? It'll be gone before you know it, okay?"

"Okay." Castiel replied, "I can't touch the CDs like this. But I hate them being out of order..."

"Hey, you sit back and enjoy your coffee..." Dean said softly, getting up and pouring Castiel his coffee, "I got a list of them in alphabetical order, okay? I'll deal with them."

"Thank you." Castiel whispered, settling on the sofa as Dean brought Castiel's rainbow spotted insulated cup forward, his coffee inside it.

That was another tic of his. He couldn't have his coffee exposed. It had to be inside the cup and sealed up, and Dean had never understood why. Castiel thanked him again for the coffee with a kiss to the lips, Dean going to their room to grab the list before letting Castiel check it over.

"Dean, you are truly a wonder, you know that?" Castiel said with a gentle smile, Dean kissing him deeply, "It's all correct."

"Good." Dean smiled, "See, I do my homework."

With that, Dean sat down to arrange the CDs, discussing his day at work with his lover who discussed his day at home. Dean grew more and more worried. Castiel had been busy washing his hands like crazy whilst organising everything into certain orders. That was a normal day, but the hand washing wasn't. That was a rare occurrence, and he always went overboard with it. Always.

"Jimmy is coming over later and he has to bring Claire. Amelia's staying at her mother's." Castiel said softly, "Her father has left home again, and her mother's rather distraught. So Jimmy's left to care for their baby on his own."

"God, Claire needs her mother." Dean sighed, "It's not fair on Jimmy. How long has he had to take away from his work?"

"Three weeks." Castiel replied, Dean shaking his head, "It's his living going down the drain. He can only work on that art when Claire is either napping or put down for the night, and it isn't fair. I understand that her mother needs her, but..."

"I know, I know." Dean breathed, "Bet he's tired."

"Very." Castiel said quietly.

Dean continued to stack the CDs, Castiel smiling as he found their first ever mixed CD they'd made together. He started to play it, reserving it's appropriate on the rack. They listened to the songs from when they first fell in love, from when they were just learning about each other and about relationships. When they were just learning to deal with Castiel's mountain of issues.

Castiel couldn't have gotten through any of it without Dean and his brothers. He knew that all too well, and all of the songs on the CD reminded him of the times when Dean protected him, loved him and kept him close.

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><p>As knocking sounded on the apartment door and Dean went to answer it, Castiel standing a little nervously even though he knew full well who was on the other side. It was that twin thing they had. Castiel could sense Jimmy as soon as he pulled up outside the building. It was their bond that was incredibly strong.<p>

"Hey, Jimmy." Dean said quietly as he opened the door to Cas's very tired looking twin.

"Dean." Jimmy said quietly, carry-cot in his hand with baby Claire in it who looked very happy to see her uncle Dean.

"How are you, man?" Dean asked, Jimmy sighing and shaking his head, "That bad, huh? Hey, Claire!"

The baby grinned and squealed happily, reaching out to the slightly nervous person in the room with a beautiful smile on her face.

"Someone's happy to see you." Jimmy said softly, approaching his brother and hugging him close as Dean took Claire and rested the carry-cot on the coffee table, smiling at the baby and peppering her little face with kisses as she kicked her legs and squeaked at him, "How are you, Cas?"

"I'm alright, thank you, Jimmy." Castiel said, leaning into his brother's embrace, "You?"

"I'm goddamn sick of Amelia." Jimmy replied, giving his best _I'm-very-mad _look that he did so well, lips tightened with an eyebrow raised.

Castiel's very similar pissed expression turned Dean on a lot, however with Jimmy it didn't. He found that odd, but he was kinda grateful for it.

"What right does she have to just abandon our baby like this?" Jimmy snapped, "Claire cries a lot because her mother isn't here. She needs that bond! At six months old, she shouldn't be separated from her mother. I understand Amelia's mom needs her, but for three weeks? Really?"

"It's wrong." Castiel said quietly, "We know how valuable a mother's bond is and Claire is being deprived of that. Speaking of Claire, where is my beautiful little niece?"

Jimmy smiled as Castiel approached the carry-cot, turning it around to reveal Claire who bounced and shrieked happily in her seat, reaching out for him straight away. She knew the difference between him and Jimmy and always had, although how, neither of them knew. It must've been that fatherly bond she and Jimmy had.

"Hello, my little angel!" Castiel said with a bright smile, unbuckling the beaming baby and lifting her out into his arms, "Oh, Claire, how you're growing, huh?"

"Yeah, she's getting a big girl." Jimmy replied, "Aren't you, sweet pea."

Claire just babbled and rested against Castiel's shoulder, the younger twin settling on the sofa beside Dean and laying her back in his arms as Jimmy took a seat, lifting up her little t-shirt and blowing raspberries on her belly, sending her into shrieks of laughter.

"Oh, you're so beautiful I could just eat you up!" Castiel said with his uncharacteristic happiness, "I could, Claire! I could just sit down and eat you up like your daddy eats a burger!"

With that he leaned down and started making growling noises as he kissed her belly, the baby kicking her legs and screaming with laughter. Jimmy and Dean laughed, watching as Castiel passed the little girl over to Dean who nuzzled noses with her and bounced her in his arms. She rested against him, getting her breath back from all that laughing.

"Did Uncle Cas make you tired, baby?" Jimmy asked, grinning as she reached for him, "Oh, c'mere, my gorgeous little girl..."

He took the baby into his arms and caught sight of Castiel's hands, gasping and half-glaring at his brother.

"You been going a bit overboard with the hand washing again, bro?" He asked, Castiel blushing, "I know you can't help it, buddy, but it's gotta stop. You can't keep damaging your hands like that."

"I feel dirty all the time, I can't help it." Castiel snapped, Jimmy sighing and giving Castiel those familiar puppy eyes.

"I understand that it's not your fault, but..." He began, "Surely it's not nice to be in pain."

"It isn't. But I'm more often than not in some kind of pain, Jimmy."

Dean flinched a little at the words and Jimmy saw it plainly, looking to him with sorry eyes as the older man got up and smiled weakly at his lover.

"I'm a bit tired, Cas. I'm gonna hit the hay." He said, Castiel kissing him goodnight and watching him walk away, Jimmy knowing immediately that Castiel had upset Dean.

Castiel had endured so much, though, he sometimes forgot how the things he said could effect other people. He didn't realise how people were affected by his life story and the things he went through. Jimmy felt incredibly sorry for Dean at times, because Castiel put that man through things Jimmy didn't want to think about, yet Castiel had no control over it, and it was unlikely he'd ever really be able to gain control over it.

"Cas, I know that things are hard on you, but you can't just go and say that." Jimmy said, "Dean does his best for you, and you just really hurt him then."

"What did I say?" Castiel asked, Jimmy raising an eyebrow at him.

"That more often than not, you're in some kind of pain." He told his brother, "God, Cas, you should've seen Dean's face. He looked like he felt such a failure to you, like he was doing a bad job of caring for you."

Castiel bowed his head and flushed with shame, not realising how his words had hit Dean. Jimmy kissed his daughter's head, Castiel biting his lip and looking to the bedroom door.

"I didn't realise..." He muttered, looking to his brother, "I'm such an idiot..."

"No, you aren't." Jimmy replied, "I promise you, you aren't. You've been through so much crap, Cas, you're entitled to be a bit pissed. Just be a bit more careful with what you say, that's all."

Castiel bowed his head and Jimmy leaned forward to hug him, the younger twin looking up and smiling at Claire who was grinning back at him.

"We'd better go." Jimmy said quietly, "This one's a bit of a tired and hungry bunny."

Castiel smiled again and kissed Claire's forehead, standing as Jimmy put her back in her carry-cot and got ready to leave.

"Go check on him, huh?" He said softly, Castiel smiling and nodding as they shared another hug, "Bye, Cas."

"Bye, Jimmy. I hope things work out with Amelia's parents, if anything, just to get her back to her daughter." He whispered, Jimmy nodding in response, "And thanks for coming."

"I'll see you later, huh?" Jimmy replied, "Love you."

"Love you too." Castiel said softly, "Bye, Jimmy."

"Bye, Cas." Jimmy said quietly, leaving the apartment and sighing as Castiel open and closed the door three times after him.

Castiel nervously approached the bedroom, biting his lip as he thought of how to make it up to Dean.

-TBC-

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed! <strong>

**Thanks for reading so far!**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
><strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary:** AU. Castiel suffers with OCD, and he's very needy of love and attention. He flinches from everyone but Dean, and Dean tries his best to help him, but at times finds it too much to cope with himself. Please R&R!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Supernatural _or its characters.

**A/N: **Again, thank you for the continued supported with this and all my other stories. Really, you have no idea how much it means to me!

Hope you like this slightly shorter chapter.

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><p><strong>I'm With You <strong>

**Chapter Three **

Dean didn't budge as Castiel knocked on the bedroom door, and he pretended to be asleep. He didn't want to talk at that point. He wanted to forget anything had ever been said. But he heard the door open and close three times and he knew Castiel had entered the room. He remained silent with his eyes closed, faking sleep the best he could.

"Dean? Are you awake?"

God, he sounded scared, but Dean kept his eyes shut.

"Dean?"

He felt Castiel climb onto the bed beside him and then felt those soft palms rubbing his arms gently before the rough backs of the hands stroking his face before those loving hands slid around and took hold of Dean's.

"I'm sorry, my love." Castiel whispered, Dean not moving a muscle, "I know you do your best for me, and I really hope you can hear this."

Dean opened his eyes as Castiel kissed his cheek, turning onto his back and looking at his lover who settled above him and continued to stroke his face. He knew Castiel hadn't meant what he'd said and he knew he had to let Castiel get his apology out of his system.

"I'm so, so sorry." Castiel whispered, "I never meant to make it sound like I was throwing everything back in your face. I'm always hurting some way or another. It's never your fault that I hurt and you often take my pain away, but I can't help hurting in some way."

Dean nodded and looked away from his lover towards the window, Castiel's puppy eyes coming out with full force as he kissed Dean's cheek again.

"Baby, can you forgive me?" He asked, "I'm so, so sorry."

"Cas, of course I forgive you, y'idiot..." Dean breathed, "C'mere."

Castiel rested against his shoulder, the two cuddling close together and sharing a gentle kiss while Dean wiped away a tear that fell from Castiel's eyes. They settled for a moment, Castiel getting up to change into his sleepwear before he trudged to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

He lined up the products along the bath as he did, then opening the medicine cabinet and doing the same with everything in there. He headed back to bed to find Dean laying still in the dark., watching him as he opened and closed the door three times.

"Hey, baby." He whispered, holding his hand out to Castiel who took it and climbed into bed beside him, the pair of them snuggling down to sleep.

"I love you, Dean." Castiel whispered, Dean smiling into his hair and pressing a tender kiss to his head.

"And I love you, Castiel." Dean whispered back, feeling Castiel tighten his hold of him, "Night, baby."

"Goodnight, my love."

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><p>Saturday came around pretty quickly, and as the sun gently bled into the room through the gap in the curtains of their bedroom, Dean rested on his elbow, watching Castiel stir before he stroked his cheek tenderly. He smiled as Castiel's beautiful eyes opened, meeting his green ones while the smile met his.<p>

"Hey, you." Castiel whispered, shuffling closer to Dean and resting against his shoulder while Dean enveloped him in loving arms.

"Hey, you." Dean replied, pressing a loving kiss to Castiel's forehead, "How are you this morning?"

"Fine, thank you." Castiel said softly, "Are you?"

"I'm great." Dean whispered, kissing his lover's temple, "Really great."

The two settled, Castiel gently rubbing Dean's chest, with his palm and the backs of his fingers. Dean began to kiss him gently, soft whispers being shared between them as they lay there happily gazing at each other.

"Good God, you're so beautiful." Dean whispered, "Really, Cas."

Castiel blushed shyly and smiled as Dean kissed him gently. He loved Dean so much, and he hated for Dean to be in the least bit mad with him, so he licked his lips nervously and looked into his love's eyes.

"Dean?" Castiel whispered, earning a gentle smile from his lover.

"Yeah?" Dean asked, Castiel kissing him tenderly.

"Do you forgive me?" The younger man asked softly, Dean grimacing at him and pressing a tender kiss to his lips.

"Baby, you know I do." He whispered, stroking Castiel's face tenderly.

Castiel looked down and bit his lip, nodding and kissing Dean lovingly before climbing out of bed. His body looked stunning in the early morning light, and Dean could lay there and look at him forever. Damn not being able to freeze time!

"Would you like some breakfast?" Castiel asked, "Toast? Bacon and eggs?"

"I'll get it, babe." Dean whispered, "Have a few more minutes, huh?"

Beaming at his lover, Castiel climbed back into bed and let Dean go and take care of breakfast, the knock at the front door to their house making him wary. Who would call at this time of day? He opened the door to find his baby brother, Sam standing there, bright-eyed and way too damn happy for this time on a morning.

"Hi, Dean! Where's Cas?"

"Shhh!" Dean hissed, "Cas is in bed, so keep it down."

"Oh, sorry!" Sam gasped, "Um, I wanted to bring this over before work, but I have to take Jess to the airport too so..."

"Oh, she's going away to New York today, ain't she..." Dean sighed, "Ah, you're gonna miss her, huh?"

"Hell yeah." Sam replied, passing his older brother a CD, "I just saw it and I thought it would help Cas relax once in a while."

"Whale song?" Dean asked, raising an eyebrow as Sam gave him those dreaded puppy eyes of doom, "Alright, alright, we'll give it a shot."

"Thank you. Now I really have to go, I'll talk tonight."

"Yeah, good luck at the airport." Dean said with smile, "Tell Jess we'll miss her."

"I will." Sam grinned, "Bye, Dean."

"Bye."

Dean closed the door, hearing a gentle voice calling him.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, sweetheart?" Dean replied, hearing a soft giggle which told him that Castiel was in a bit of a cheeky mood today.

When Castiel was being cheeky, Dean knew he was having a good day, and that he probably would have a good day. This side of Castiel was one Dean preferred and he preferred it because the younger man was so much more open and free than he normally was.

"I'm hungry, Dean."

Dean smirked and bit down softly on his tongue.

"Alright, I'm on it, you cheeky bastard, I'm on it." He laughed, getting started with breakfast.

But unbeknownst to Dean as he cooked breakfast, Castiel had fallen back to sleep and when the older man set the food on the table, he went to wake his lover up.

But when he got into the room, he saw his lover trapped in a nightmare and also found that he was enduring one of the worst panic attacks Dean had ever witnessed.

Dean just hoped Castiel would wake up.

-TBC-

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><p><strong>So, this chapter's a little shorter, but hey, I left you a cliffhanger! <strong>

**Hope you enjoyed!**

**Thanks for reading so far! **

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
><strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary:** AU. Castiel suffers with OCD, and he's very needy of love and attention. He flinches from everyone but Dean, and Dean tries his best to help him, but at times finds it too much to cope with himself. Please R&R!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Supernatural _or its characters.

**A/N: **Thanks for the support with the last chapter! Sorry it's taken so long to update, and I left you with a damn cliffhanger too! Hope this was worth the wait!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

* * *

><p><strong>I'm With You <strong>

**Chapter Four**

"Breathe, baby." Dean whispered as he stroked Castiel's forehead, leaning down to whisper into his ear, "Breathe, Castiel. Breathe, angel, breathe slow."

To Dean's surprise, Castiel began to calm, his eyes fluttering open which sent him into a panic again. Dean hushed him and held him, calming and soothing him the best he could without making him ill. As he relaxed, Dean wiped falling tears away, which was something the two of them were very used to. It was a shame that they were so used to it, but they just were. It was their normal way of life.

"It's okay." Dean soothed, "You're okay."

"M'sorry." Castiel sobbed, Dean shaking his head and holding him close.

"Shhh." The older man whispered, "Don't you ever apologise for having a panic attack, you can't help it, okay?"

The two settled together as Castiel calmed himself, Dean not letting go of Castiel's hand as the younger man gripped it in his own. Panic attacks while sleeping was something Castiel had never done, and Dean wondered if it was something that maybe he should take Castiel for the doctor for. They always went to see Ellen Harvelle.

She was the best doctor in town, and actually a close friend of the Winchester family, and she always treated Castiel's case with the utmost tenderness and care. He was a very damaged young man and all people wanted to do was help him. In high school, kids couldn't wait to take advantage of him, but when people discovered the truth, the bullying stopped immediately. Thank God. Dean was fed up of beating people up. He was running out of people to beat.

"Babe?"

"Yes, Dean?"

The two shared a tender look and then a soft kiss, Dean rubbing Castiel's back tenderly as they laced fingers and climbed off of the bed.

"Breakfast's served." Dean said softly, "Come on. Let's enjoy our Saturday together, huh?"

Castiel smiled and let Dean lead him into the kitchen, and the two of them sat down to enjoy their breakfast together. The two had a great life together. They had a house, money coming in, they loved each other, they had friends and family around them. They had all they wanted.

Castiel wished he could go and do a job but instead, he was confined to the house due to his numerous conditions. Dean had bought him a laptop to try and keep him away from cleaning and organising because the poor guy just tired himself up, and Castiel had always wanted to be a writer. Dean had suggested that to him and Castiel had thought about it. Maybe it would be a good way to keep him occupied.

The two talked about their day and what they'd do, and they decided to go out to the mall since they were looking to get something nice for the living room. They walked hand in hand as usual, and Castiel would press close to Dean if they were going into an enclosed space. He started to panic as they were leaving the store where they'd bought a new vase for the kitchen table and a set of candles for the living room, so Dean got him out as quickly as possible and took him to one side to do his breathing exercises that Ellen had given them.

"In and out, nice and calm." He told Castiel, watching as the younger man began to panic more, "Deep breaths, baby, it's okay. It's okay, we're going home now."

He took Castiel's hand and picked up their bags, walking him slowly out of the mall to the car. Castiel gulped in breaths of the open air and Dean smiled, rubbing his back as they made their way to Dean's beloved Impala.

"There we go." He whispered, "Atta boy, Cas, you keep those breaths going."

The two climbed into the car and Dean wound down the windows, letting Castiel have the air he needed.

* * *

><p>"What do you think?" Dean asked as he placed the vase on the kitchen table, Castiel rushing forwards and straightening it.<p>

"It's beautiful." Castiel replied, "The colour's perfect."

"Now for the candles." Dean said softly, Castiel taking them and heading to the living room.

He placed them in perfect alignment on the coffee table and smiled softly, looking to Dean who grinned at him and pulled him into a kiss the two of them walking through the house to their bedroom. As they went, they pulled their clothes off and ended up naked, Castiel backing onto the bed while Dean crawled on after him. Castiel rested against the pillows, winding his arms around Dean as he climbed above him.

"Mmm..." Castiel hummed as their erections brushed together, Dean leaning down to kiss him tenderly as they began to grind against each other, "Need you in me, Dean."

"Alright, gimme a minute." Dean chuckled, grabbing a condom and lube from the bedside draw and lubing up his fingers, "You ready, sugar?"

Castiel chuckled softly at the pet name and spread his legs a little further, and a grin crossed his lips as Dean's finger slid inside his body. He relaxed himself around the intrusion and let Dean continue to work him open, fighting back moans. He let out a half laugh, half moan as Dean brushed against his prostate and Dean smiled back at him, kissing his forehead.

"I've got you." He teased, watching Castiel grimace a little as another moan escaped his lips, "Alright, alright!"

He prepared himself and entered Castiel's body, beginning to move gently only to be pushed onto his back and for Castiel to begin riding him in a way Dean had never seen. It was incredibly passionate and ridiculously sexy, especially when he took Dean's hands and ran them up his body, holding them tightly as he pulled him upward. There was a moment where the two gazed at each other, all seriousness of the situation draping itself over them as they shared a deep, loving kiss.

Pressing their foreheads together, the two continued to move slowly, holding each other close as they moved to their climax.

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><p>Rolling over, Castiel rubbed Dean's chest gently, feeling his lover take a hold of his hand and kiss it. They were looking better after the few doses of lotion they'd had, and they weren't as red, while Castiel admitted they weren't as sore.<p>

"Cas?" Dean said softly, his lover humming in response and looking at him while he kept his eyes closed, "Y'know I love you, don't you?"

"I know that like the back of my hand." Castiel whispered, kissing Dean's chest, "You know that I love you, right?"

"Yup." Dean said with a sigh, "More than I know heavy metal music."

"Wow, that's a lot." Castiel laughed, Dean holding onto him and kissing him tenderly, "We should have sex midday more often."

"Absolutely." The older man replied, "You wanna sleep?"

"Mhm." Castiel hummed, snuggling up to Dean and sighing gently, "I'll call Ellen on Monday about the panic attack I had this morning. I've never had one in my sleep."

"Wait, you knew about that?" Dean asked, opening his yes and gazing at his lover.

"I heard you tell Sam on the phone while I was getting ready to go shopping with you." The younger man replied, sitting up a little and caressing Dean's face tenderly, "Why don't you tell me these things, Dean?"

"I didn't want to worry, babe." Dean said quietly, "You've been through enough."

"Thank you for trying to protect me." Castiel began, "But will you please tell me in future? I'd rather know than..."

"Yeah." Dean sighed, "Sorry."

"Shhh." Castiel soothed, "I'm just glad you look after me."

The two settled down and shared tender kisses, eventually falling asleep safe and comfortable in each other's arms.

-TBC-

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed!<strong>

**Thanks for reading so far!**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
><strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary:** AU. Castiel suffers with OCD, and he's very needy of love and attention. He flinches from everyone but Dean, and Dean tries his best to help him, but at times finds it too much to cope with himself. Please R&R!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Supernatural _or its characters.

**A/N: **WOW! It's been a while since I updated this! Here's chapter five with a nice surprise at the end. I'm trying to find my own drawing style for my comics. I suck at art and really shouldn't be doing it. Thanks for the support with this and everything else so far! You guys are all awesome!

Hope you enjoy!

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><p><strong>I'm With You <strong>

**Chapter Five **

Castiel was having one of his bad days.

Dean didn't mind though. He liked the contact they got on these rare days, despite them not exactly being the happiest of days. Castiel had been tearful since he'd woken up that morning, and even very fidgety and uncomfortable in himself. When he'd gotten dressed he'd become really irritated to a point where he'd started to cry. So he was just wrapped in a blanket, in nothing but his boxers, laying in Dean's arms and holding on as though he was afraid to let go.

"You wanna go put some clothes on now, baby?" Dean asked, "You're cold."

"Come with me." Castiel said softly.

He held out his hand, and Dean took it gently in his own as they stood up from the couch and headed to the bedroom. Dean tried to find Castiel something comfortable to wear, which included track pants and a t-shirt.

"Better?" He asked as Castiel shuffled a little.

"Much." Castiel replied, "Thank you, Dean."

Dean smiled. Castiel was such a sweetheart really. He never meant to get upset or get frightened like he often did. It was just something that happened by accident. Dean would forever blame Castiel's evil father for doing this to him. He'd wrecked that boy and there was no going back. No matter what treatment he had, Castiel was never free of the psychological scars his father had left him with.

"You feel comfortable?" Dean asked, earning a soft nod from his lover, "Good."

"Dean?" Castiel said in a small voice, going to his lover who was folding the blanket up and tugging on his arm, "Dean?"

Dean turned and saw tears in Castiel's eyes, cupping his partner's cheek tenderly. Dean hated to see Castiel so worked up and so upset. He'd always hated to see him like that and it made him feel upset too.

"Hey, baby, what's the matter?" He asked, "Why are you upset?"

Castiel couldn't actually understand why he was upset. He never really knew. He just got upset. It was a natural thing. Dean understood that. It just hurt to watch the boy he loved go through that kind of pain. With a sob, Castiel buried his face in Dean's shoulder, and the older man walked him to the bed and sat down with Castiel beside him.

"Shhh," He whispered, "Let's dry those tears, huh? There's no need to cry, Cas, I'm here. I'm here, and I sure as Hell ain't leavin' you any time soon, 'kay?"

"Okay." Castiel replied, rubbing his eyes, "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, baby. Not for anything." Dean told him gently, standing and taking his hand, "You wanna go watch a movie?"

"What like?" Castiel sniffled as the two headed back to the living room and couch, Dean holding the blanket in his hand.

"Whatever you want." The older man said, handing Castiel the blanket, "Get comfortable and I'll make a coffee. Or would you prefer the quilt on the bed rather than the blanket. The bed covers are thicker, huh? And it's cold out today."

Castiel grinned through his tears and headed to get the bed covers, and while Dean went to make coffee he smiled and shook his head. Castiel was a big girl at heart. He loved to cuddle up on the sofa with a good movie and a cup of coffee. He loved to have mini make-out sessions with Dean half way through. They could watch movies all day and then they'd probably have sex later. Dean smiled even wider at that.

The thump that followed concerned Dean. He rushed to the bedroom, finding a pile of bed covers and Castiel mixed up on the floor.

"You okay there?" He asked with a laugh, causing Castiel to laugh too.

"Help? Please?"

Dean helped Castiel to his feet, taking one side of the covers as Castiel took the other. They moved the coffee table and set out the sofa bed, quickly laying the covers on it while Castiel hurried back to get the pillows. Dean locked the front door to the house and finished the coffees while Castiel picked out some movies and set the first one up. Dean turned to see the titles of _The Notebook_ on the TV and he rolled his eyes affectionately before joining Castiel on the sofa.

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><p>Movies were long forgotten as Dean thrust into Castiel's body, and their movements were fast and desperate. Castiel was holding on to Dean like his life depended on it, his own body trembling with every touch of Dean's hands or lips, and with every move of Dean's aching erection against his sensitive muscles.<p>

Dean let out a moan as he slowed his movements, leaning down to kiss his lover. Castiel lay pretty still, lips parted, body flushed and trembling, and with his head rested on his right arm which was rested behind it, his own fist clenched in his hair. He was quiet apart from the occasional soft moan and the heavy breathing that was escaping his lips.

"Fuck..." He breathed quickly, beginning to stroke himself to completion.

Dean almost growled as he grabbed the back of the couch to support himself, pressing his lips to his lover's again. It felt too good for him to stop, and while Castiel suddenly stilled and his muscles went all crazy around Dean's length, the older man felt his own climax draw from him slowly and beautifully. He collapsed almost on top of Castiel, just catching himself on his elbow and stroking his lover's face, kissing his swollen lips. Their bodies were clammy as they lay close together and Castiel's neck was soon being caressed by Dean's lips.

"Love you, baby." He whispered, earning a cheeky smile from Castiel.

"I love you, handsome." He replied, "I love you very much."

He kissed Dean's lips gently and the two settled down together, to sated and tired to move from where they lay. Dean just had enough energy to lift himself from Castiel and settle beside him. They whispered soft words to each other before Dean turned out the lamp by the couch and the two snuggled down to sleep.

-TBC-

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed!<strong>

**Thanks for reading so far!**

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><strong>


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